Wait Till the Swelling Goes Down.
Wait Till the Swelling Goes Down. by Rosie
Gil Grissom came to the Las Vegas Crime Lab Building wearing a rain coat. Several police officers looked at him funny. Talking amongst themselves, “Didn’t know it was scheduled to rain”, or “Is it supposed to rain?” They didn’t think much of it and went about their business. Gil just signed in and got to his office as quickly as he could in his current condition.
He was his usual 2-3 hours early for a shift, this time he was happy to get there before the other members of the Graveyard Shift did. He just wanted to be left alone tonight, hand out the assignments and be LEFT ALONE in his current condition.
He piled his desk high of paperwork and case folders, so it looked like he NEEDED to stay at his desk all night long. He would not go out tonight unless there was NO other choice. He was determine to stay as still as possible in his current condition.
His briefcase usually contained letters he needed to respond to, and his latest reading material, be it a book or a magazine, but tonight it was packed with ‘Cold Packs’. Those little self contained ‘ice’ packs, for sprains and swelling. He did remember his ice bag, but he didn’t want to keep having to get up. He opened his briefcase to find he grabbed the ‘Hot Packs’ and not the ‘Cold Packs’. He quickly emptied the briefcase by turning it over on his desk and dumping it.
“No no no! Shit! Damn, how could I be so stupid. Well, at least I got the ice bag. Damn. Means I’m going to have to get up and move around. Damn.” He had replaced his long rain coat with his long white lab coat. It was the best thing to do, given his current condition.
*********
He paged each of the team members, Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown, and told them assignments would be in his office and not the Break Room tonight. One by one as they signed in for the shift, they reported to Gil’s office. No one noticed anything usual about Gil sitting at his desk. Thank heavens. Well, almost no one.
Catherine Willows came in all her usual bouncy self. “Good evening Gil! How was your date with Heather? Did ya have a good time....er that you can tell me about without too much detail.” She parked herself in front of his desk in the chair. “Ride ‘em cowboy? I know Heather enjoyed the horseback ride. What about you. She didn’t say much on the phone.”
Gil just looked up at Catherine with a disgusted look, then looked down at the paperwork in front of him. “It was fine. Here’s your assignment. Go.” He held out the paper slip and waited for her to take it. When she didn’t, he wiggled it up and down. “Cath, here take it.”
“No.” She said it with a defiant tone.
“NO? What do you mean ‘NO’? It’s YOUR assignment tonight. It’s not up to you.”
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” She crossed her arms. “Usually you tell me, leaving the juicy parts out, of what you and Heather do. I mean, Heather and I are friends, and it’s not like I don’t know what the two of you are doing errrr...well. But date dates, you and I trade off on finding and telling of new fun things. Didn’t you enjoy the horse ride?”
“Oh it was memorable. Thanks. Here.”
“No.”
“Catherine! I DON’T feel like playing games tonight. Take it and go. NOW!” His voice was edgey.
“Nope. Not moving one finger. I got all night.” She put her feet on the edge of the desk. “All night.” She started to look at her fingernails.
“Catherine!”
“Ummmm?” She didn’t look up.
“Catherine.”
“Heard you the first time.” Breathing hot moist air from her mouth onto her fingernails and then bluffing them on her shirt..
“Close the damn door.”
She got up quickly and closed the office door and ran back and sat down on the edge of the seat. “Well, what? THAT good of a time? Whoooooo whoooooo! Tell me EVERYTHING....errrr. Well you know.”
“It goes NO FURTHER, then this room, or I swear you will be on Doc’s slab in the morgue.” He looked at her with all the seriousness she had ever seen him. She crossed her heart with her fingers and nodded yes. “Well, we started off having a good time, then............”
*********
“Oh Gil! Catherine’s idea of a horseback ride was such a wonderful idea! It’s been ages since I rode. Thank you.” Heather gave Gil a kiss as he opened the car door and helped her out of it. “Wonderful!”
“Well, right now I’m thanking Catherine for another reason. Those jeans. Ummm they fit you like a glove, and I’m going to be the next pair of gloves you put on.” He pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her, slowly putting his hands on her gloved fitted jeans butt. “Nice.” He picked up up slightly off the ground, she tighten the grip around his neck, he started to kiss her. “Sure you want to ride a horse and not....”
Heather laughed, “Oh I’m going to ride a bucking horse, and a wild station, after we finish here. Both are named ‘Gil’, and I’m gonna ride for hours.” She smiled and slid down his front back to the ground. “We better find the real horses and ride them or we’ll get arrested for public indecency here.”
“Grrrrrr, later woman, keep that whip handy, you’re gonna need it to tame this old stallion.” Gil put his lips together and made a sound of a horse, which set Heather off laughing.
“Ahhh, this old gray stallion sure is better than he used to be. Come and I’ll feed you some oats to sow later.” She grabbed his hand and headed for the corral.
Gil put his fingers together so Heather could use them for a boost up to the saddle. “Really Gil, surely you can think of another way.” She looked coyly at him and put her foot in the stirrup, and looked back at her butt. “Got any ideas?” Gil grinned and put his hands under her curved buns and gave a slight shove up. “Ummm, like having your hands there.” She leaned down and kissed him. “Get on that horse, I want some ‘lunch’.”
Gil headed toward Buck Rogers to climb on board. Well, Buck had some other ideas. He didn’t want to go out today, seems he had a ‘burr’ under his saddle. Sad thing is the ranch hand nor Gil knew it. But Gil would sure find out soon.
Buck bucked when Gil got up in the saddle. The ranch owner assured them that he really was a gentle horse, easy to handle, probably just needed to get used to the weight and Gil’s scent. “Don’t be frightened or he’s smell it. Let him know who’s boss. Your ‘Little Lady’ there’s got a fine firm hand on her horse, she knows she’s the boss.” Gil just raised one eyebrow and smiled at the man. Heather had to put a gloved hand up to her lips to help suppress the laughter.
Seemed like every time Gil sat back in the saddle old Buck bucked. He tried to keep his weight off the rear of the saddle as much as he could. They were about a half an hour into the ride, when Gil had to put all his weight on the saddle. His legs were tired and he could see a patch of small hills that he knew he needed a firm seat to get thru. Wrong decision. Buck bucked so violently when the weight drove the burr further into his tender hide. He wanted that burr outta there, and that man off his back for irritating him. He started living up to his name.
Gil had ridden a horse before but never a pissed off one. He tried everything he could think of and was holding on for dear life. Finally, poor old Buck could stand no more of the pain. He lurched forward and then stopped short. That action put Gil Grissom straight into the far far galaxy that Buck Rodgers came from. He saw stars that had yet to be named. The last of the bucks sent Gil right into the saddle’s horn full throttle. Gil pulled up on the reins so hard Buck stopped long enough for Gil to get off and let the reins go and fall to the ground.
Buck went heading straight back to the corral, he wanted to get home and get this blasted saddle OFF and soon. Heather had heard the ruckus behind her and had stopped and turned her horse. She saw Gil trying to keep Buck under control with no luck and then the pained look as Gil pulled the reins as hard as he could. She was glad he got off Buck, but when she saw him on the ground, panic set in. She kicked her horse into action and got to Gil in a few seconds, swung off her horse and was kneeling beside him.
“Gil! Gil! Are you okay? Break anything? Gil?” Her hands were all over his face. Gil’s face was twisted in such pain and he was doubled over. She couldn’t get any kind of answer out of him but little ‘squeaks’. She thought at first his hands might be broken and that he was holding them between his legs in pain. But that wasn’t the case. Gil just rocked back and forth, while laying on his side and squeaking. “Gil please tell me what’s wrong!” Tears started to flow from Gil’s eyes. “Sweetheart! Oh Gods.” Heather got the water from the saddle bag and smacked her horse on the rump, sending it too back to the corral. She was hoping that it would send a silent message “SEND HELP!” She ran back over to Gil, who was still rocking, “I’m here Gil, I’m here.” She lifted his head up and placed it in her lap. She would try to give him some shade and comfort. Gil just rocked and rocked.
About ten minutes later, Gil’s rocking started to ease up a bit. Heather just kept stroking his head and his back. She didn’t know what else to do. The squeaks left her with little detail on what was wrong., so she just had to wait it out. “Honey, can you talk now?” Gil shook his head negatively. “Did you break your hand?” Gil’s head shook no. “Do you think you broke anything else?” Again a small negative shake. “Well then what could .......OH GIL ! You didn’t!” He shook yes this time. “Oh Honey, let me see.” Gil shook no no no. “Gil come on, you might really need some help. You know I’m not going to hurt you.” Gil shook no no no .
“GILBERT GRISSOM, I’m ordering you, let me look.” She felt Gil relax his rocking slightly and squeak. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” A small squeak, that sounded like a ‘thank you’ came from Gil. “Well you got to let me in there. Come on straighten your legs. Slow, that’s it. Okay, now let your hands go off your.....OH MY! Gil, I think it would be a good idea to er..umm see if I can get your jeans off.” Gil looked up at Heather puzzled. “Sweetie, your jeans are REALLY tight, I think the pressure is what’s painful. If we release it, you’ll feel better.” Gil just squeaked.
Heather undid the top button on Gil’s jeans and it took some work. She soon realized she wasn’t going to get them down without ripping them. Gil was swelling big time. “Gil, I think we need to cut the jeans. I don’t have anything. Are you carrying your ‘Swiss Army’ knife?” Gil nodded. Gil leaned over him and found it in his back pocket, along with his car keys. “I’ll keep these for you.” She tucked them inside her bra. She opened the penknife. “Now stay still, I don’t want to nick you with this.” Another squeak. She sliced down both side of the jeans and almost down to Gil’s knees so she could get the jeans off. When she finished she heard a sigh from Gil for the pressure release. “Want to try some water?” Gil nodded. Heather lifted his head and he took a few sips. “The ranch hands should be coming shortly, okay? Hang in there Honey.” She used a little bit of the water to cool Gil’s face. “Should I check under your briefs?” Gil shook no then yes then no again. “Gil, not like I haven’t seen you. Let me check, relax. Did I hurt you before? No and I wouldn’t now.” She almost had to pry Gil’s hands from between his legs. “Gil, let go. Relax. Let me....oh my....oh dear. Ahhhummm.” Gil started to look down, when Heather said , “No, Honey don’t look just yet. Wait a few minutes maybe the swelling will going down. Lord, never thought I would say that. ‘Wait til the swelling goes down’.” She started to giggle, at the phrase, not the situation. “Oh I’m sorry, just.....sorry.” All of a second she couldn’t hold it any more and started laughing. It was a nervous laugh, but a laugh none the less. Gil just looked at her and rolled over and put his hands back over to protect his blown out of proportions member. “Oh now you KNOW I didn’t mean to laugh at, I’m not laughing at you. Gil, come on.” She tried to turn him over but he wouldn’t budge. “Okay then lay there on the hard ground. You could have a soft pillow this way.” She waited, slowly Gil turned back over and settle his head in Heather’s lap. “That’s my angel, they’ll be here soon. Rest.”
*************
The ranch hands lifted Gil on a stretcher and then into a wagon for the trip back to the corral.
The ranch owner knew something happened when both horses came back and came out right away.
“Little Lady, I’ve seen some nasty bruises, but that one takes the cake. Smart for ripping them jeans. Pressure in there musta been something.” He started to cough slightly and wipe his mouth with his sleeve. “I ...ah..er...” He snickered, “The ice packs should....” Snicker. “Sorry Little Lady, that has to be the ....most....” He lost it, he had to leave the area before he started to choke.
Heather headed back to Gil’s car, where he was lying in the back seat with several ‘Ice Pack’ bags covering his lower half. “Sweetheart, the owner said he hopes you feel better, and we could finish our ride some other time. Want to go home now?” Gil just nodded and squeaked.
“Home it is. Try to relax.” She kissed his forehead before she closed the door.
She started the car up and turned on some classical music for Gil to try and relax. “I’ll go slow.” She no sooner said that when the dirt road got bumpy. Nothing but squeaks came from the back seats. Each time, Heather had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
************
“Damn Cath! It’s been two days and I’m still so swollen even boxer shorts kill me. I’m keeping ‘Ice Packs’ on but I brought these damn ‘Hot Packs’ by mistake. Please be a doll and fill this full of ice. If I go to the Break Room ice machine too often tonight, someone’s going to say something.. And I DON”T want to repeat this story again. It’s too painful, even to think about it.” He held out the rubber bag for Catherine to fill. “Thanks.”
She took the bag without saying a word and got up to fill it. Before she left the room she heard Gil. “Catherine, not ONE word to anyone. I mean it.” She just nodded her head yes and didn’t look back. She didn’t want him to see the tears rolling down her face from holding back her laughter. She opened the door. “Cath, can you kinda hurry a bit, it’s starting to ....well you know...hurt.” She just waved at him with the bag and closed the door.
Gil heard the scream of laughter from behind the closed door. He just put his head down on the desk. And groaned.